


in the light (of the dawn of the menacing sky)

by okaypianist



Category: Star Wars - All Media Types, Star Wars Sequel Trilogy
Genre: Angst, Angst with a Happy Ending, Ben Solo Needs A Hug, Canon Compliant, Canon-Typical Violence, Cunnilingus, F/M, Force Bond (Star Wars), Hurt/Comfort, Inappropriate Use of the Force, POV Ben Solo, POV Kylo Ren, Pining, Rey Needs A Hug, Smut, That's Not How The Force Works, Why does love always feel like a battlefield?
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-01-01
Updated: 2019-01-01
Packaged: 2019-08-27 22:09:00
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,741
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16710946
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/okaypianist/pseuds/okaypianist
Summary: Kylo stands, still clutching one of his boots, as Rey covers her face and coughs. She is on her side, under a threadbare blanket, and Kylo feels a useless wish to drape her in silks. Her hair is matted, and he regrets never brushing and braiding it for her. Her eyes are dim, and he remembers watching them sparkle up at him in the flickering lights of a turbolift.





	in the light (of the dawn of the menacing sky)

**Author's Note:**

  * For [bitterbones](https://archiveofourown.org/users/bitterbones/gifts).



> My prompt was: “Kylo severely injures Rey, either directly (by his own hand) or indirectly (orders a military strike). She is nearly killed and it almost destroys him. Force bond soft times and tears would be appreciated, angsty smut even more so.”
> 
> Happy New Year to bitterbones (and to all the Reylos)! I hope I did your prompt idea justice!

The bridge of a Star Destroyer.  
Dawn.  
Kylo Ren is yelling, again.  
It is easier to scream at his subordinates than to think about her when he is alone.

The crew quarters of the Falcon.  
Midnight.  
Rey is sleeping, again.  
It is safer to dream of him while asleep than to wish for him while awake.

Kylo gives the orders for a barrage on Hoth. He does not truly believe that Rey and the Resistance are on Hoth. He simply has to be seen making some decisions about the Resistance often enough to keep his detractors within the First Order from getting suspicious. And so he barks orders and watches as they are carried out.

A fleet of TIEs go screaming out of the hangar, with all sorts of noxious gifts for the Resistance onboard. Kylo stalks off the bridge and into his own quarters. He knows his officers will notify him if anything important happens.

Later, while sitting on the edge of his bed, Kylo slowly works at the unnecessarily complicated fastenings of his boots. By the time one is completely off, he realizes how cold his chambers feel. Space is always chilly and stale - recycled air could never be as comfortable as a habitable planet - but right now it feels particularly frosty. And fraught... and anxious...

Kylo can never be sure what tips him off first - the Force roaring in his blood, maybe, or the absence of sound in his ears - but it appears that his connection with Rey is still active after all.  
  
In an instant, Kylo Ren knows three things.

First, that the reports were true- Rey and the Resistance are holed up on Hoth.

Next, that his aim was true- the Order’s military might has found the rebels.

And last, that what he feared most is also true... **he loves her.**

But knowing can only make things worse, now, because Rey is hurt.

——————————

Kylo stands, still clutching one of his boots, as Rey covers her face and coughs. She is on her side, under a threadbare blanket, and Kylo feels a useless wish to drape her in silks. Her hair is matted, and he regrets never brushing and braiding it for her. Her eyes are dim, and he remembers watching them sparkle up at him in the flickering lights of a turbolift.

Suddenly, Kylo realizes that he must be losing track of time. Wasn’t she across the room from him? How did he come to kneel at the foot of her tiny bed?

Where did this breathing apparatus come from? When did he fasten it over her face for her? A drawer in the Falcon containing a medkit is open, so- wait, the Falcon? How did he manage to see her surroundings instead of _just you_ , only you, always you...?

When did these hot, shameful tears start to fall? How did he decide he was worthy of speaking to her after what he has done?

“Rey,” he hears himself rasp. “Look at me, Rey. I swear to you I didn’t know.”

Her delicate head turns. Her hazel eyes blink up at him from above the breathing mask. She has never look so closed off to him. He has never felt so opened to her.

And then she is gone.

——————————

Kylo spends the next thirty-six hours in a frenzy. He snarls at the officers who try to give him reports or talk strategy until they wise up and stop knocking and quit sending messages to his datapad. He scrapes at the walls of his chambers with his saber until molten metal rains down and splatters the duracrete floors. He flips frantically through every book he owns on the Force and all its strangenesses, wishing for a way to demand Rey’s presence through their bond.

Finally, he gets his wish. So heartsick that he fears he is imagining it, he hears a small, clear voice.

“Ben.”

Kylo flings aside the book he was holding, stands, and searches for her. Rey is sitting who-knows-where on her side of the bond, but to him, it seems that she’s perched on his dining table.

“Are you all right?”

Those were not the words Kylo expected to hear. “ _I hate you_ ,” maybe, or “ _How could you_?” Concern for his well-being? This is a surprise, and an undeserved one at that.

“I’m fine, of course,” he mumbles. “You... Rey, how are you?”

“Good. Yeah, I’m good. The toxins had us all coughing for a little while, but something must have been wrong, or, well, right, with their calculations, because we all made it.”

She is speaking so calmly to him. _Their_ calculations? Does she realize...

“I do,” she answers his unspoken question. “I know it was on your command, and I know you don’t really want to hurt me. Everyone else, maybe, and we’ll get to that, but...”

“Rey!” He interrupts. “I sent that strike after you and the rebels. How can you even look at me?” Kylo's gaze falls to the floor. All this time he spent wishing to see her, and now he is sure he is unworthy to meet her eyes.

“Ben, you know we can’t truly harm each other, right? You realized it before I did, what this bond between us means. You know the Force.”

Kylo dares to look up again. “I know nothing. All I know is I tried to ask you to run away with me, and you tried to kill me, just like everyone does.” He feels himself rambling but cannot stop. “And then, I nearly killed you, because I didn’t know how to do this anymore.”

Rey raises one delicate brow and scrunches her nose. “Do... this? Do what?”

Her face. Her voice. Her flowing clothes. Her loose hair. Kylo wants to drown in all of it.

Before he can hold it back, he blurts out, “I need you.”

Rey gasps, and suddenly she launches herself at him. Kylo catches her without thinking and holds her up in the air, both arms at her back and her legs wrapped around his waist.

 _Wait_ , he thinks. _What is this? How can I deserve this?_ But Kylo wisely says nothing, and Rey takes a deep breath and presses her soft lips to his. He has never thought much about kissing anyone else, but kissing Rey... saying he would kill for this hardly seems good enough. He has been Kylo Ren for six years and he has killed for lots of reasons.

 _Maybe_ , Kylo muses, _I could live for this._

——————————

Kylo busies himself with peeling off Rey’s arm wraps while she flutters soft kisses across his brow, his cheek, his jaw. When her lips reach the top of his tunic, he places her back down onto his table and rips the black fabric off himself as quickly as possible while still keeping one hand on her at all times. He is afraid that she will disappear again before he can prove himself worthy of her forgiveness.

Rey’s own tunic falls to the floor right after his does. She undresses with speed rather than seduction in mind, and yet it’s the sexiest thing Kylo has ever seen. He peels off her leggings as she unwinds her breast band, and there, on top of his table, is a treat he never thought he’d receive, a naked Rey, gazing up at him fiercely. She runs her hands across his bare chest and grips his shoulders as he bends over to suck a bruise into her thigh. She sighs out, “Ben,” and he wonders how he ever hated that name.

As Rey’s legs begin to shake, Kylo kisses and licks his way up to her center. He presses his face into the thatch of hair there and inhales, all his senses blessedly full of Rey. He fucks his tongue inside of her and brings his hands up to steady her hips. Rey slides her hands into his sweaty hair and steers him to a better angle, panting and moaning as he laps away at her.

Kylo slides his left hand up to tease at her breasts and uses his right hand to keep her in place as she tries to roll her hips toward his face. His eyes rarely close, wanting to watch every twitch and groan he can wring from her. His long nose nudges her clit while he tastes her, and he has never before been so grateful for a facial feature he once hated about himself.

He keeps pressing his devotion into her, ignoring his craning neck and his weeping cock, until Rey’s babbling is filling the room. “Yes, Ben, please, uh-huh, right there, Ben...” 

Rey’s eyes close and her mouth opens in a soundless scream as she shatters. Kylo caresses her gently down from her high, and then he kneels near her feet after pressing one last kiss to her delicate ankle.

Rey’s slightly unfocused gaze finally lands on Kylo, who is shirtless on his- and her- floor ( _Where is she? Did someone hear us over there? I hope they all heard_ , he thinks a bit smugly), and she gives him a sated, closed-lipped smile.

“Ben,” she breathes. “That was... wow.”

“Let me kiss you,” he begs, and she nods. He stands and slots his lips lightly over hers, wondering if she will be put off by the taste of herself in his mouth, but she slides her tongue between his lips eagerly and hums. At length, he pulls back slightly, their foreheads touching, and he tries not to lose himself in her eyes.

“Rey, before the connection breaks, I must apologize. I am sorry for everything. We can find a way to fix this mess, to end this war, somehow, together if you’ll have me.”

“Oh, I’ll have you, every day if you let me,” she says with a smirk, and Kylo wonders how Rey learned the art of innuendo. In her innocence, she is more alluring than any pleasure girl could be.

Her eyes soften, and her head tilts, and Rey gives Kylo a tender, sweet kiss. It tastes like caf and forgiveness.

——————————

In that moment, Kylo knows three more things, and this time, knowing is enough:

First- that the war between the Resistance and the First Order must end soon.

Next- that the brave and earnest woman in his arms will play a large part in the resolution of this conflict.

And last- that what he needed most is also true... **Rey loves him**.

**Author's Note:**

> This was my first time writing smut. Feedback would be much appreciated!
> 
> The title is from the song Polaroids by Shawn Colvin.


End file.
